Leave Begging for Professionals

Have you ever wondered what railway stations, bus stops, religious places, and footpaths or for that matter, public toilets in the sub-continent have in common? Perhaps, you guessed it right - they are infested with beggars, probably the most efficient and industrious set of professionals I have ever encountered. At all the said places, beggars are religiously active.

But wait! Did anyone notice the new breed of beggers emerging around us? They are all around us, begging for everything except money and food. You can find them on talent shows, news channels, newspapers and virtually everywhere, begging for your sympathy, requesting you to send some SMSs, watch a movie, or buy some memory enhancement pills.

Yes, you got it right। These are the Bachhans and the Reshamiyas begging you to watch their movies or the likes of Abhijeet Sawant and Rahul Vaidya begging you to send some SMSs in the name of their state and city, to win some "talent hunt".

It has become difficult to spot the regular beggars of our country these days, who have been pushed to the sideline in their own business by the much celebrated celebrities। These part time beggers have encroached upon the territory where the traditional beggars used to rule.

Beware! These beggars come in all flavors। He/she can be on a news channel constantly advising you “humare saath bane rahiye”, or on some tele-shopping programme, telling you that “ise prayog karne ke baad to meri to zindagi hi badal gayi”. He can even be your favorite superstar asking you to buy tickets to his movie.

I personally feel that all this begging is needed when the product/media/movie being offered is not really worth spending time and money upon.

So, why not spend some time and mind on quality work, and leave the begging part for the professionals?

Excuse me...

Bhai saheb, 54-55 aage hai? A person looking for directions to an address in Noida? Wrong! These are the words of a person looking for his seat in a train from Delhi to Lucknow. As if this was not strange enough, some people can be seen checking every berth, searching for their number. I thought about it all through the journey, and finally the truth dawned upon me. People are unaware of a facility Indian Railways has been providing, free of cost for years. They have been numbering the berths sequentially. So for those people who have difficullty in finding their berth, I have devised a step by step algorithm:

 

Step 1:        Have a look at the number of the first seat on the side where you boarded the compartment. Let it be 'x'.

Step 2:        Have a look at your seat number on your ticket. Let it be 'y'. If you completed this step successfully, proceed to the next step, if not, get off the train now.

Step 3:        Evaluate (x-y+1) or (y-x+1), whichever is positive. Let this be 'z'.

Step 4:        This step is very critcal. Depending on the class are u travelling in, divide 'z' by 8 for 3-tier and by 6 for 2-tier. If you are in chair car, divide 'z' by 5.let this be 'p'. Don't ask why.

Step 5:        If 'p' is a whole number, proceed to step 6, else ignore the fraction part and add 1 to 'p'.

Step 6:        Now 'p' is the section of the compartment in which the proability of finding your seat is the highest given that the velocity of train is very very less than that of light, and that you boarded the correct compartment of the correct train, on he correct date.

In short, your three dimentions of space and the fourth of time must be in agreement with those mentioned on the ticket.

 I hope it helps.

 (PS: I am not a fool. Satire intended.)